I’m here. Living. Standing. Giving. Doing everything a person is supposed to do. Yet sometimes, it feels like I don’t exist. There are moments when I talk… and my words evaporate into thin air. Moments when I sit among familiar faces, yet feel like a stranger in my own life. Moments when I quietly wonder: Am I invisible? Or just not important enough? Some people around me care deeply — I know that. But there are others… who only notice me when they need something. When there’s a problem to solve. When money is required. When responsibility needs to be carried. Otherwise, silence. Then the questions creep into my mind: “Am I being punished for something? Is this because I’m not good enough? Or am I just a walking ATM? A problem-solver, a duty machine… nothing more?” I don’t want to feel like a “provider who doesn’t deserve emotions.” I don’t want love only when I’m useful. I’m human too. I have a heart, not a built-in engine that endlessly runs without warm...
Some days carry a heaviness that words cannot fully explain. For years now, I’ve felt a quiet loneliness — not the kind where you have no one, but the kind where you have everything around you, yet something inside feels empty. A solitary soul, or maybe just a mind that gets tired, frustrated, and overwhelmed for a few minutes before finding its balance again. Today started like that — a strange, heavy feeling. I needed to go to the hospital. My body was tired, the pain was real, and I couldn’t escape it this time. Usually, I try to avoid hospitals altogether. They remind me of things I don’t want to remember. Still, I needed money to go. When I asked her, she paused. Not out of rejection, not out of resentment — just because of human moment of thinking(?), of processing. Life isn’t always smooth for any of us. She said she would borrow it from a friend and send it. And I don't felt angry, but appreciate that. Truly. But meanwhile, I asked another friend… and she sent the money imm...